(I’m still on my blogging moratorium – but I needed to get this out while it was still swimming around in my head)

I don’t really hate John Scalzi, but I do.

I just finished The Last Colony the other night, and it was – as expected – completely excellent in every conceivable way. Indeed, the entire Old Man’s War series has been nothing short of a marvelous masterwork of literary perfection. Scalzi has created an imaginative universe, with a truly original concept, and told the story with the skill of an accomplished narrative voice.

And that’s why I hate him.

Here I am, a wanna-be author. I’ve written several short stories, and I’m now attempting to begin work on my first novel. The outline is (mostly) complete, the notes are sufficiently scribbled, and the concept of the thing is nearly implacable in my mind. But I stare at it, unwilling to even write one single word. Why? Because nothing I will be able to write will match what other writers – especially John Scalzi – have been able to create.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t allow the quality of existing works or authors to influence whether or not I write myself. Who knows how many hundreds or thousands of great novels might never have been written if the author wearily claimed that they would never be able to create something as magnanimous or influential as “The Great Gatsby” or “Brave New World” or “Slaughterhouse Five”. But knowing that there is so much quality content on bookshelves these days makes me realize that the bar for entry into this business is set very, very high.

I’m not exactly looking for fame and fortune here. I don’t necessarily want to be a household name. I just have ideas that I want to see made into a book and set on shelves next to the works that I enjoy. I want to be in the company of giants, not necessarily one of the giants. Is that asking too much? Or is that asking too little?

If I strive for mediocrity, I likely won’t be able to achieve anything at all. But if I strive for genius, maybe I can at least attain mediocrity.

Okay. I don’t hate John Scalzi anymore. Back to the silence!