Apparently the traditional tenth wedding anniversary gift is supposed to be “tin” or “aluminum”. I know this because I looked it up last week. Well, I’m nothing if not a stoic traditionalist (hint: I’m so not) so today, the day of our tenth anniversary, I got my wife two four-packs of Trader Joe’s Cafe Mocha in — what else? — aluminum cans.

Of course, our real anniversary present will come late in the summer when we whisk off to the coast of Oregon for a three-day “Second (First) Honeymoon” vacation (we never took a honeymoon when we got married, so we have a hard time deciding if this is the first, or the second). But I couldn’t NOT get her something for the day itself, could I? That just wouldn’t do at all. And she loves the TJ’s Mocha cans, so it was a perfect fit, really.

Now, those of you who know my wife see a side of her that is generally pleasant. She’s smart, beautiful, kind, thoughtful, a wonderful mother, and a caring friend. And all of those are absolutely some of her more endearing qualities. But you don’t see the side I see every day. The side that is roaring furnace of righteous anger. The side that is cold and calculating. You’ll notice that there aren’t many letters that differ between the words “anniversary” and “adversary“. My wife is in every possible way my worst enemy. She is demanding and honest. Brutally so, sometimes.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You see, I’m an extremely lucky man in that my wife knows me better than I know myself. She knows that I’m capable of doing and being more than I allow myself to be today. And she pushes me with every ounce of strength and patience she can muster to force me to realize my own potential. She does it with the kids, too. But in a gentler way because, well, they’re kids. And I’m a grown-up. Or at least that’s what they tell me I’m supposed to be.

But I don’t want to be a grown-up. And I don’t necessarily have to be. Even my wife doesn’t force me to be any more mature than I am. But she does remind me that I am to be responsible. For my family, and for myself. Every missed opportunity, every moment’s hesitation, every dumb mistake, she’s there to put them on display. Not so she can shove failures in my face and cherish a false sense of superiority. But to remind me that I am better than that, and why don’t I just step up and prove it?

(Don’t worry – I see the loving and caring side of her, too. Quite a bit, actually! And while that side of her is wonderful, it isn’t the part that makes me a better person. The loving and caring side is what makes me want to be a better person.)

And that is why I am grateful for every single day of the past ten years I have spent married to this absolutely amazing woman. This woman who has the patience and fortitude to deal with a bumbling idiot like me, and push me to focus on loving what I do, and doing what I love.

I don’t deserve her. And don’t think I won’t fight with all my strength to ensure that I get to keep her. For another ten years, and hopefully, for many more.

I love you, Amanda.

(PS – can I have one of those cafe mocha cans? You don’t need all eight of them, do you? Just curious.)